But with my double vision, how was I supposed to see the way?
Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
Tumblr comedy nowadays is just like “I was accosted by an Ape but luckily the skull appeared”
cause of death: tried to organize an activity with more than 2 friends at once past the age of 25
A woman who has the confidence of a girlboss but the competence of a cringe failwoman
does this dude even know any spells other than cast iron skillet
You adopted that ugly ass cat just to get notes
thinking about the time that person posted “does the guy from MCR know he is princess diana to you all” and then 2 months later he showed up in a princess diana outfit with a special haircut to match
“i wanted to spend all my tomorrows with him” i’m sick i’m SICK its SICK nightow i’m in ur fucking WALLS
skyrim guard: now you best not go looking for old man fucks murder cavern
quest added: look for old man fucks murder cavern
recalling my insane former roommate who said their cat did things out of genuine emotion whereas my cat behaved performatively
whispering “fentanyl” under my breath as the cops arrest me, causing them to fly back like a skyrim shout
gay surgeon taking out my organs: intestines, slay. Liver, slay. Spleen, slay. Appendix… FLOP!
me: can yuo turn the lady Gaga down it’s making the anesthetic wear off
my stomach hurts so bad i should fashion a weapon to attack random people on the street with until it cures me
showing up at my neighbour’s house tearfully, shaking and vulnerable, like “I- I d-didn’t know w-where else to go” and they’re like huh. and I’m immediately normal a milisecond later like yo can I get a cup of sugar
Didn’t read any of that shit but I assume youre a hater who wants to torture me with blades
resisting arrest shouldn’t be a crime. it should be a human right to resist being arrested